Narritive english essay (still needs some work.)

A rocky ledge leaned gently over a river known as “Brillo Esmeralda” to the citizens of Santiago. It roughly translates to “Emerald Sheen” tastefully acknowledging the glistening stones found there many years ago. Its waters are deep and foggy like the eyes of the fish slowly being rotated on a wooden spit. Candelario, carefully tending to the meal sprinkles the contents of a small metal tin onto the bubbling flesh of the fish. He returns it to the inside pocket of his jacket like a precious locket. One splash is heard after another as bodies throw themselves off the ledge into the river. Screams of joy and laughter murmur softly over the rushing water. Inés stands reluctantly on the brittle end of the ledge. The ones below yell words of encouragement that eventually reach her ears and possess her to jump. She is sent into the river delivering a liberal spray of mist into the air. The immense force of the river drags her to the jagged rocky bottom. As it pulls her farther down the underwater chasm, she grips with all her might onto a sturdy rectangular stone. As her breath nears the end the loose gravel holding the stone to the bottom loosens and breaks. Her hands will not allow her to let go. Strong forces grab her by the shoulders and drag her to the surface.
Inés collects herself and coughs the remaining water out of her throat. She glances over at the mud-covered stone lying next to her. “You really must be more careful.” Esperanza tells her.